Disconnecting.

Leonardo Da Vinci once said, “I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather in strength, and grow in reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death”…

I think I’ve finally reached a point where I need to detach from social media and technology.  We’ve all had these moments where Facebook becomes overwhelming with friend’s opinions, judgments, criticisms, and negativity.  Lately I’ve been feeling like the bad is really heavy and the scale is not even closed to balanced.  I sat most of Saturday on duty, thinking about what I need to change about myself to be more at peace internally.  I thought to myself… “maybe I could use to exercise more and make less excuses, I should really stop eating so much chocolate and go back to eating more quinoa and non-inflammatory foods, I need to stop spending so much money and buying things that I think are going to make me satisfied, maybe I should start painting again – I’ve always enjoyed painting (but ugh – I always make such a mess and I really don’t have a designated spot for that in my house… I wonder if my mom has my easel still?), I should probably get back to drinking lots more water, I really haven’t been drinking much lately, I’ve been talking about going back to Bikram but I always make an excuse not to go – maybe I should go, maybe my job is too stressful…” and the thoughts just continued coming.  I think on to how blessed my life really is, and how I shouldn’t feel like I’m surrounded by negativity.  Kyle and I have been lucky enough to afford a nice home to live in, furnish it with our desires, a new puppy; we were able to save for, a boat, nice (new!) reliable vehicles, stable jobs, ours (and our families) good health… what is the issue here? 

Then I scrolled through my news feed on Facebook as sort of a mental distraction… everywhere I see - two NYPD cops shot point blank in their patrol car while working overtime on some anti-terrorism drill (wait, we do that stuff all the time in the Coast Guard!).  My stomach turns.  Jake works as an EMT in that area.  I click article after article, looking through pictures from the scene, for my brother.  I finally stop to read one of the articles and learn that this was a planned retaliation.  Retaliation?  Makes me sick to just continue to sit here and type about this.  We are living in a world where we are blinded by what we think we know and ignorant to trying to learn what we don’t know.  We let ourselves become absorbed with the media.  This country is believed to have come leaps and bounds in the race war, but it is a far cry from being over, and I feel that because of social media, people are becoming entitled.  Why would one man think that it is okay to avenge the death of two strangers by killing two other men who had nothing to do with the original losses in life in the first place?  It is completely insane.  I cannot wrap my head around it, and all I can see through Facebook is people picking fights with one another through comments.  Snarking to one another about not being able to breath, hands up don’t shoot, etc.  These slogans that have become recognizable in our households, should not have purpose and meaning.  By publicizing and making astronomical stories out of these unfortunate situations, lessons are not being learned, but instigations are being ensued.  My intention is not to create a controversy or conversation off of this post, but my stomach is in knots.  I think about Michael Brown’s family and having to hear the loss of their son, I think about Officer Wilson’s family and having to deal with the media’s backlash and the fact that he is going to have to play back that day in his mind forever and question his actions as a trained police officer, I think about Garner, and the two cops who were killed Saturday, five days before Christmas, I think about the man who killed himself after he shot those officers (and his girlfriend last week) and the pain and suffering he must have been feeling to commit such awful acts, and the pain and suffering all these families have to somehow manage to get through, and that the media blows these stories out of the water and they will have to deal with that as well.

So I sit here, and I think to myself, when is it going to end? ... it’s never going to end.  The way things are going, it’s not going to get better before it gets worse. 

I really wanted to write a blog summarizing the past year, because it has been one of the fastest, busiest, and most whirlwind I think in my life.  I really intended on doing it and sending it out with my Christmas cards (like people used to do - or do they still? I don't know?), because this year, like last year, we didn’t get Christmas cards, because no one knew our new address, again.  I want to stay connected with my family and close friends on more of a personal level than just through my often sardonic and sarcastic status updates.  Life gets serious sometimes, and that’s usually when I use the phone.  I really feel like I need more positive energy flowing into mine and Kyle’s lives, so I’m taking a bit of a techno break from my typical schedule.  I’m logging out of Facebook  - not deleting – just logging off.  I don’t need notifications.  I don’t need distractions.  I don’t need to mindlessly scroll through my news feed and see what half my friends ate in the last 24 hours, what’s trending on HuffPost, and what 20 stupid things I will never see again according to Buzzfeed.  I am going to put take my phone out of my pocket when I’m at work.  I will check it when I leave work.  When I’m at work I should be focusing on work, not my phone when it buzzes in my pocket, not worrying about who liked my photo on Instagram.  When I get home, I’ll stick it in the kitchen and it will live there.   We need to slow down.  We need to stop mindlessly letting our brains control our thoughtless emotions.  If every time I scrolled through my news feed on Facebook, I instead did 10 pushups, I’d be jacked...think about it.