Blog Stew (Part 1)

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, obviously... but that doesn't mean I haven't written in my mental blog a thousand times since my last post.  I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to blog about - because so so so much has occurred in my life since my last post - and I've had so much to crank out on my keyboard.  It's not that I haven't had the time, I have been busy - that's for sure, but in the midst of moving, getting my 'swole' on (as Kyle would say), getting situated in my new job, driving across Florida a couple of times, getting underway, visiting Kyle in training, taking online classes, and doing absolutely nothing, all of those things seemed better than sitting down and writing in my blog.  In some respect, I haven't been ready for EVERYONE (because I really don't know who all reads this thing) to know what's been going on in my life - and because I've really wanted to sit down and write a full on confessional.  I don't know if that will happen here right now, because most of the time I think about what I want to write and plan the words out perfectly while I am somewhere around minute 30 and floor 79 on the stair-master, by the time I get home, I smell, I'm sweaty, and I really have no interest in sitting at my computer to do this.  The reality is that I have no commitment to do this, except that writing in this blog makes me feel good... and I know people like Katie depend on it, because we don't talk every day.  Also, I've had a few awkward conversations happen, and I feel like I need to clear the air with a few things... So, here goes:

1.  I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies.

2.  haha... okay but seriously, here goes...

We moved to Pensacola in May, I think, I can't remember the exact date - it's not important though... I took a month of leave, and pretty much blacked out after it was all said and done.  For some reason, my movers who were contracted to procure my household goods from Nantucket treated my move as an 'overseas' move - which means all our crap was thrown into BIG GHETTO plywood crates.  This group of four guys showed up, one of them resembled Fat Joe (but fatter, and more gangster) who we ended up having to pick up at the ferry after they arrived because he was a 'walk on' because he didn't fit in the cab with the three other guys - or because he smelled really bad... either way, somehow I was sent for that job, probably because I felt better about Kyle being at the house with the three bloods alone.  Anyway, long story short, they didn't finish the job in one day, we had 6100lbs worth of crap (holy hell), they ended up staying in some swanky hotel in downtown Nantucket, and showed up around noon-thirty the next day to the rest of our crap in the driveway (because Kyle lost patience and started unloading the rest of the houses contents so we could clean and get ready for Jules and Jude's wedding).  That morning Fat Joe proceeded to make some sounds that resembled what I'd imagine to be dinosaur mating calls and vomit all over our front lawn because him and his team of thugs went out on the town the night before and had too many "Life is Good" cocktails.  Once our crap arrived in Pensacola, nine days later than the "No Later Than" date, a new set of thugs came with it, and the crates in all their glory.  A few things were damaged, actually our stuff was a lot better off than I imagined things would be, and I made sure that the moving company paid for it - we ended up getting a decent reimbursement and I put the Fat Joe and his team of G's on Slam in my 'move survey'... I also made sure to clear with the government move manger that Nantucket is in fact part of the United States, not overseas, and that it would have cost the government LESS to send one single moving company from Florida, to Nantucket to pick my crap up, and bring it back to Florida as a door-to-door move (as requested), rather than one company to load it into crates, deliver it to a warehouse managed by another company, only to have a third company drive from Georgia to Mass, to Florida to deliver it to another warehouse, to have a fifth company then pick IT up and deliver it to my house... oh yeah, that was the reason - lowest bidder...

Before I digress - on the move down to Pensacola, the BMW broke down while I was filling it with gas at the Delaware Welcome Center.  Kyle - you win (it's on record now!).  We bought me a brand spankin' new 2013 Jeep Wrangler Sport with 09 miles on the odometer... and all my complaining aside I still love this damn car!

Kyle left for his two week ADT before the movers came - which by the way, I've been trying to not abbreviate our military terminology for you civilian readers - but ADT, I can't tell you what that means, because the reserves is a whole ball game I have no idea how to play - and they come with a whole set of abbreviations I do not understand.  My dad and Aimee graciously (I hope!) came and helped me move in, they were shocked by the amount of crap (especially kitchen related items!!) Kyle and I had accumulated in the three years (ish) we were on Nantucket - that "take it or leave it" really did me good!! They left shortly after all the boxes (aside from my clothing - which took me an extra two weeks) were unpacked and I spent the next few days trying to figure out how I was going to sleep - my street is REALLY dark...  ALAS - I survived.

When Kyle came home, we spent a couple days (against Kyle's will) hanging pictures, arranging furniture, and organizing things - okay, maybe that's what I did... haha.  We also spent a couple days at the beach, drinking beers, and straight up relaxing.  Somewhere in this mix I also hired a personal trainer and learned how to lift weights like a pro and eat food like a pro.  Jules and I had made some kind of agreement or promise to ourselves that we would leave Nantucket the same weight that we arrived (and I made myself a sub agreement that I would erase all memories of the damn place as well - so far so good!).  I ended up leaving 5lbs over my goal, which... wasn't bad... When I got to Florida, that all went to shit and I felt like I could have ROLLED my ass down 95 and made it here in just as good time with my setbacks and numerous bottles of wine consumed at my Dad's house.  Okay - it wasn't that bad, but that's how I felt anyway - and I knew I was going to have to get weighed when I arrived at the boat, so I had to be proactive at some point during my leave and make some changes.  I never got weighed when I got to the boat, but boy was I hungry.

Kyle had about two more weeks between the time I reported to the boat, and the time he had to report to A-School.  This was a really difficult time for us, because we made one of the hardest decisions we've had to make since getting married.  After months of flip-flopping and discussion, we decided to put Junior down.  I don't need to justify with anyone why we did it, but the move was really stressful on both the animals - to the point where even the Pippin was peeing blood for weeks - just out of sheer stress.  Junior was not a healthy bulldog as it was, but he was our 'child' - he signified so much to us, he came into our lives in a way you read in fictional stories, or see in movies.  I know I complained about his BS in a previous blog, but at the end of the day, we loved that dog more than anyone could ever imagine, and he will always be such a beautiful part of our life.  I hope that no one has to go through this - with dog, cat, or human.

whew - that was heavy.

The DAY after Kyle left for school - liberty was granted around 1300 as usual in port schedule, and I was still on the boat, as usual, and deliberating whether or not to go buy some broccoli because it was on the menu for dinner that night, and we didn't have any.  Right as I was about to leave - I am told to standby, because I may need to buy more than just broccoli - whaaaa?!?  Around 1400 I am told to buy as much milk, fruit, vegetables, and cheese as I can and be back at the boat no later than 1600 to be underway by 1700 for possibly three weeks but an undetermined amount of time - to be briefed when I get back.  I legitimately called my mom as I drove to the back gate sobbing.  What. The. F#&@?!  At this point I had only been underway with the boat for day trips,  I have no idea what to do with Pippin - so I call the vet in a panic hoping that I could vent to them and teleport myself and the cat to them because there's no way I would have time to drive the 45 min there AND buy all that stuff in the amount of time I needed.  I called my dad - in a panic, hoping that he would teleport to me and save the day! And I called Debi - who had just left the week prior and was with us for the saddest goodbye, who graciously (again, I hope!) offered to come up if she needed to, to stay with the cat.  Pippin - I should add, was still "sick", and because he was peeing blood - the vet wouldn't update his rabies vaccine which had expired, so he couldn't be boarded just anywhere - aside from the vet he was being treated at which was 45 min away - and I was afraid of boarding him if I was going to be gone for three weeks (or longer) and I had no idea what kind of communication I was going to have with the world once we went farther than just a little offshore.  Luckily - I was able to communicate with one of the guys on my boat (since I was still really new to the crew at this point) my stress about the cat and Kyle being gone, and he arranged for his wife to go to the house and meet Debi, and relieve her of "cat duty" - all things that I am really, really, grateful for.  We ended up being underway for less than a week - and it was just another Coast Guard freakout - which, in the short time I've been attached to the boat, I've become totally used to.  Again - I survived!

I really didn't expect this blog to be this long - so I'm going to have to break it up into two blogs - because the other half really needs to be thought out so I don't offend anyone... and I want to go watch Duck Dynasty with Kyle soon.

For anyone who follows me on Instagram, or sees my morning posts when I'm out the door at 445AM to go to the gym - I've been kicking some serious ASS.  It does not take much to get motivated, and once you make a serious commitment to yourself to change your habits, it becomes easier every day and your new habits become just a part of your daily routine - as a friend of mine put it me going to the gym in the morning before work is 'just part of my workday'... The best advice I can give to anyone who is looking for motivation (and remember, motivation is the main reason I started this blog...?), is first off: START - the walk/jog/run, jumping jacks, situps, whatever you do today, is better than any workout you haven't done in the past week, month, year... Next you NEED to ALLOW yourself to have setbacks - but DO NOT allow your setbacks to be an excuse to fail yourself on your goals.  Overcome from it, look at each setback as motivation to kick the next days ass, or choose a salad next time.  If you eat right 90% of the time, let the 10% be a cheat meal once a week - if you budget it into your week, and you expect it, when it happens, you won't feel like you let yourself down, and you will be less likely to fall off your healthy wagon.  If you eat three slices of pizza, or a bottle of wine, don't throw it away tomorrow with the mentality "screw it, I already messed up my diet with the crap I ate yesterday..." NO.  It didn't take ONE meal to make you fat, just like it won't take ONE workout to get you fit... STAY FOCUSED.  WHICH brings me to my next point - if anyone has seen my rants about juicing, Atkins, and yo-yo dieting - this is the biggest FLAW with those ideas, and I know Chad - you juice for deprivation without nutritional loss - great - but you eat pancakes in the morning drowned in syrup and fried chicken tenders at 10AM, so... there's your caloric overhaul paired WITH nutritional loss - just sayin'... but hey, whatever floats your boat, or sinks your ship - different strokes for different folks. 


I want to motivate and help people, I've always been a nurturer/helper, it genuinely makes me feel good to do so... so... this is where I will end this blog stew - and pick up for the next one, because I want to write about my thoughts on happiness, the oncoming of our THIRD wedding anniversary, and some other things that are pretty heavy on my mind... Until next time!!

Mavilla... like vanilla...

So much has happened since my last post, and so many things are continuing to happen.  I jotted down a checklist of things that I wanted to make sure I blogged about in my head, but I can't seem to find the note anywhere lost in the rest of the clutter.  My home looks like a hurricane ripped through here and the sad thing is I don't know where to start in cleaning it... so I'll blog tonight.

I want to say I had a rough day week, but when I think about how the past few weeks have gone, I came up with an analogy in my head yesterday while I was running to clear it (which by the way, didn't happen... so I guess I'll just have to run again tomorrow).  My analogy was about the phrase "put the icing on the cake" and how people go so far to say when they REALLY had it bad, they put a cherry on top of that!  But my week, and week prior, and basically month, has been more like this, I baked a cake, let it cool, someone put the icing on it, then they put cherries on top of that, and dropped the cake on the floor, then I rebaked a cake, someone put icing on it, then someone else came back and demanded fondant, but we didn't have any so I had to go run out and get some, then the fondant was the wrong color... etc. etc. etc. you get the point... but... during that analogy and thought process, I probably ran about a mile, and didn't even realize it was happening... and then, to top off my whole BS thought process, my phone died, so here I am, FLUSTERED with this ridiculous analogy I created while I was trying to clear my head, and I just lost the data for my run (runkeeper) and now I have no music so I really have to listen to my breathing and thoughts.  WOOF.

Coincidentally, as I ran into the third mile, music-less, and turned down Pollywog Pond Road, it occurred to me WHY they named it Pollywog Pond Road, and I could hear the little bastards croaking.  It was beautiful.  I finished my 4+ mile run, and thought maybe I need to not have LMFAO telling me I'm sexy (and I know it), or Nicki Minaj reminding me that starships are meant to fly... and really just take advantage of my time away from technology, iThings, and let my brain get some unadulterated oxygen because lately I just feel like I can't breath... that could also be the high pollen count though.

Managing stress is really important and I've learned that nothing is really as stressful as we tend to think things are.  With everything that goes on in life, how often do you want to look back and think, "wow that was a really stressful time" or do you want to enjoy the times you had?  I've become a little emotionally detached these past couple months but I'm just hoping that once we get down to Florida and get some P&Q and downtime, I can recenter myself and get back to a happy place... I'm also hoping that there's a hot yoga studio somewhere near my house.

I've been working double duty between the station and the store, which has been awesome for my own morale but horrible for Mt. Laundry and the dust bunnies that have been collecting in my house (which, by the way could be a great name for a band if anyone's looking - Mt. Laundry and the Dust Bunnies).  Kyle as usual has been doing an awesome job at keeping up his end of the bargain in cleaning as well as helping me out by either telling me I'm slacking, or just picking up my slack.

The first week of April I spent in Boston at LAMS.  For my civilian readers, I was at Base Boston, in the north end, at Leadership and Management School.  It is a Coast Guard run class for Coast Guard personnel.  I took away a lot of good information and really enjoyed the class, the instructors, and the overall experience.  I am grateful that during a time of budget cuts and sequestration I was able to take advantage of the experience and that it was offered to me in the first place.  I felt SO good about the class that once the class was over and I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic leaving Boston, I didn't even get mad! I also concluded that Karma does in fact exist because for the first time (and probably the last time) driving out of Boston, I did NOT get lost, not even for a second... amazing.

No less than a week later, the Boston Marathon bombings happened.  I really don't want to get into a long political or conspiracy theory post here about analyzing what happened but I will point out that I am shocked by the amount of people who posted that they were shocked that this happened.  It's not really shocking if you REALLY think about it.  Things like this happen in other countries daily, America is not invincible.  I am slightly disturbed by the media construction of the events turned circus, however, that is neither here nor there.  Guess I'm just glad it's over with for the time being, and saddened for the people who were directly affected by the events that took place.

For the past six weeks I've had to make a trip a week off-island to go to an endodontist to get my grill fixed so I'm no longer a Dental Class III.  So far, only one tooth has been corrected.  Basically what happened was I needed two teeth on either side of my bottom jaw re-treated, so re-root canalled... Not REALLY a painful process since the teeth have no nerves anymore because they've already been root canalled, mostly just tedious and annoying.  The dentist who did the original root canals used this high tech fill to fill the roots that's basically made of hot plastic, which made the process even more difficult for my endodontist to get out of the tiny roots.  Three appointments turned into six very quickly.  He finally got to the root of the problem (haha I just wanted to say that) and finished one of the teeth.  We weren't going to start the next tooth for fear that it might turn into the same issue and I won't have time to get it done before I leave, however, being the pushy person that I am, I insisted he take a second look at it and a new X-Ray... this tooth had an abscess a few months ago that was treated with antibiotics which doesn't technically "treat" anything but just suppressed the symptoms enough to make the problem seem like it went away.  He decided that we could retreat half the tooth since half the roots seemed fine.  Upon entering the tooth, the crown almost immediately popped off, revealing a much bigger problem, and also one of the most disgusting smells I have ever smelled in my entire life.  The tooth under the crown was pretty much completely decayed.  Now I have to have an emergency tooth extraction, a bone graft implanted into my jaw bone, and eventually an implant put in my mouth.  The only reason I am being so descriptive about this whole ordeal is that I want people to be aware of how important your tooth health is for you.  During the past six weeks, my sinuses, stomach, and nerves have been SHOT... Mostly to blame because of the toxicity my own mouth is leaking into my body! Unfortunately many people do not have control over the destiny of their teeth due to genetics, water, and your diet/habits from the time your were six until the time you are reading this.  What you do have control over is what you do now.

Finally... Mavilla... Mavilla... Mavilla... our new home, located in beautiful Interarity Point with the Gulf of Mexico a block in one direction and a bayou on the Florida/Alabama line a block in the other, Kyle is dreaming of the fish he will catch, and I'm dreaming about the fish I'm going to cook!  Our fingers and toes are crossed that the transition to life afloat will not be as bad as some people make it out to be, and that Kyle will be able to secure a good paying job sometime in October... and life will be good in our boat!

NOT Carrie Bradshaw...

Well... I guess I really have not upheld my commitment to this blog, as I predicted, however... I am posting now so I guess there's still time to rescue it!

Jake gave me a Keel's Simple Diary for Christmas and Kyle and I have been opening to random pages and filling it out for fun, and if you're not familiar with what this is, I will explain:

(there's an insert in the front cover when you receive your own Keel's)

"Congratulations.  You got Simple Diary in RED.

This could mean that you

a) like cashmere.     b) are quick.     c) dislike loud noise.

WHAT YOU MIGHT NEED RIGHT NOW:

1. no medication

2. a nice comedy

3. the business

4. a pear, a lemon, and a leaf

5. friends with balls

6. perfect pasta

7. visit Mount Josephine

8. a decoder ring

9. crack of the whip

10. an empty living room

Why is the moon not always round?  Why is the night not long enough?  Why is the owl not a friend?  Why do the stars not kiss our hand?

What deserves to be posted with a thumbtack? _______________

In your own experience, red often

a) brings joy.     b) lets it happen.     c) scares the bull.

BEGIN

hugging

not forgetting to whistle

a little earlier

AVOID

the condition

talking about those things

a sandcastle

Many people run away every weekend, most of them justified.  Some reflect too much, but you may not reflect enough.  You are intelligent, able to influence people and are valued at home.  An enthusiastic achiever, you are invigorated by country estates.  You are much of a materialist, but your life certainly isn't cheap."

This is one of the most interesting gifts I have ever been given and I have already smiled tons over it in the few times I have used it.  They go on to explain that the Simple Diary is awesome because people don't ever keep a diary even though they say they will... 

The past month or so has been so super busy and it is only going to get busier for me (us).  I have weekly trips off island to get my grill sorted out, I'm still working part-time at the Haul Over, I have to arrange moving off of Nantucket and to Florida, and somewhere during all of this I also have to find time to appreciate the time we have left on this special little island.

I know in the past I have moaned, groaned, grumbled and complained about the woes of living on Nantucket, but honestly, this place is a little gem.  If only it were warm year round - it really would be like a little oasis.

For awhile I was thinking about and wanting to write a LONG post about transparency.  I haven't started it yet because I'm not done thinking about it.  I can't decide if transparency is a good thing or a bad thing.  I was raised and taught that "honesty is always the best policy" and that being honest almost never turns out to be a bad thing.  Over the course of the past few years, I have learned that honesty can sometimes hurt you, and those around you.  I have also learned that not being transparent can also hurt you and those around you.  What is the difference though?  Are transparency and honesty the same thing?  I don't think so... I think honesty is not lying and telling the truth all the time - doing the right thing all the time because it's always the right thing to do.  I think transparency is a sense of 'openness' and 'togetherness' that you share in interpersonal relationships.  For the most part, I think that my mom and dad were always transparent and honest with my brothers and I, and we shared that transparency and openness with the rest of our extended family.  As I have grown into my own adult, I have continued to be transparent and honest... but I've come to realize that not everyone else is, and it bothers me.  I guess what's troubling me is that I expect other people to be transparent with me, if I am transparent with them.  I guess you need to learn who to be transparent with, obviously, but I always expect to be treated the way I treat others... which leads me to my next thought for tonights post...

I was working out tonight and I came across an article that was written by a woman who was 29 years old.  The article was actually about when she was 27, after a long and overly stressful day, she came home from a bombed date to find a letter in the mail that she had written to herself when she was 17 years old and mailed to her from her high school teacher.  The letter was written to herself 10 years from now, and encompassed where she expected to be and advice she would give her future self.  It got me thinking, and I've thought about this before, about what my past self would say to my present self if they crossed paths again.  Back in high school I had this math teacher who swore he could prove time travel and it blew my mind... I was so interested in this guy, Mr. Prescia, I'll never forget him, especially since I blew his mind by sitting in his class - and he had taught my mom 25 years earlier, and thought he was in his own time warp when he laid eyes on me.  I digress. (but I know any of my Sayville friends reading this post will get a kick out of thinking about Mr. Prescia)  Not too long ago I laughed and thought about how Eileen Korinek would probably think Eileen Pitcock is a pretty lame person... but then I thought about it reversed, and Eileen Pitcock would probably smack Eileen Korinek so hard for being ass-backward to the world, and tell her to tighten up.  I floundered for awhile, and I know it, and what's worse is I knew it then, too!  I was so free though, and while I loved that freedom and the fact that I simply did what I wanted, when I wanted, with no regard to anyone else, I am glad that is not the person I am today.  You never want to look back on your life and have regrets, and say things like "would have, should have, could have" but we all know we can.  Sometimes I like to think about how different my life would be had I stayed at Eckerd, or had I gone to SUNY Maritime like I was supposed to... had I NOT gone back to FAU after my parents made me come home and go to community college for a semester (I wouldn't have met Kyle!).  Many people often ask my why I joined the Coast Guard and while usually I answer smartly, "there's nothing better to do!" the honest answer is that I ALWAYS wanted to join the Coast Guard, I chickened out of going to Maritime College because I was scared of being regimented... not that's funny! Really... I wanted to join the Coast Guard after college, because I wanted to become an officer, and I really wanted to go to college to be the first person in my family to actually do it and get a degree... and while that hasn't happened yet, I still have plans to continue working towards it and eventually put in a package to go OCS... which will really be one of the only things in my entire life I've ever planned on doing, committed to, and actually did (aside from marrying Kyle, of course!).

Week Full of Surprises

Well... not really... but, it was exciting for a second, right?!

I didn't get a letter from Kyle this week - pretty bummed about that.  It's like I had to pay for talking to him earlier in the week so I didn't get a letter.  No, it's not...  I just made that justification up.

This week, Junior's usual behaviors did not change, which I am really pretty bummed about especially since I've been walking him in the evenings (and freezing my buns off!!) and not filling his water bowl up all the way, he wet his bed 3 times and had other stomach issues.  I'm kind of at a loss with him and just wish I had Kyle to help me deal with or make a decision on what to do about him.  I have about zero tolerance/LOVE for this animal at this point so he's pretty much just a nuisance to me and we're just coexisting in the same household.  I know this probably makes me sound like the worst human being in the world but this has been ongoing for 3 years, has cost me soooo much money and patience, and I'm just kind of over it... I don't know what FURTHER to do, or if I just need to accept that the dog will pee his bed, bark in the middle of the night, have diarrhea so bad that I have to clean up after him and wipe his butt when he comes in, pay over $200/mo for medications, or have him licking himself to bloody sores... ugh.  It would be easier for me if I could see a difference in his demeanor when we make changes but there is none... he's just not a happy dog, and taking him to the vet and changing meds, food, etc. every month or so has not proven to be successful so far.

On the other hand....

I took a week off of working out and taking my supplements (I even at two cinnamon buns last week!! weeeee) because I got kind of burnt out, the scale wasn't moving, and the muscles in between my shoulder blades were SOOOO sore it was actually waking me up at night (along with Junior's barking).  I started back up this week and FINALLY broke my plateau on the scale, and I'm starting to see some positive results again - THANK GOODNESS. I still have 7lbs until the Coast Guard doesn't classify me as 'overweight' (but I have until April to lose that), 12lbs to my post-bootcamp weight, and 22lbs to my GOAL weight (which seems like a lot but, trust me, it's there to lose)... this has been a journey and lifestyle change, it's amazing how as you start to get older - even at the ripe age of 25, you notice how your body changes and you can't do/eat the same things you used to and expect the same results, I guess that's why it's the definition of insanity.

(Here's a 3 week progress pic)

Yeah, also.... my tattoo is crooked because I got it when I was 7lbs heavier than I am right now... guess it will forever be a good indicator for when I need to start working out again...

Tomorrow, Saturday, I will get to actually TALK to Kyle, not just a 5 minute teaser, he has his on-base liberty and will be able to actually call home and talk to me for however long he wants to.  Bummer that I'll be at work, but I have flexibility throughout the day and should have no problem taking a phone call.  

I am heading to NY in a week, to schlep the animals to my mom's house and SURPRISE Kyle at the gates of the Training Center next Saturday when he has is off-base liberty.  My mom and brothers came down for mine and I was able to go get my eyebrows and nails done and we had a nice lunch... I really appreciated it and even though Kyle told me not to come, I'm going to do it anyway -- mind you, he also said he didn't want to bring pictures with him to boot-camp and the second letter I got from him he was asking for pictures. 

I know I've already wrote about this but I can't wait for this chapter to be over with... however, today I started painting again.  I asked my mom for paint supplies for Christmas (and as usual she came through!! thanks, mom!) but haven't "had time" to sit down and paint.  Yesterday, after doing literally nothing all day but counting down the minutes til my next meal or workout, I thought to myself, "I need a hobby".  DUH!!!! I have a hobby, I love painting! I am so excited to post pics of my latest and greatest! At first I thought to myself, "who should I paint a picture for!?" DUH AGAIN!! MYSELF!!