About six months ago my friend Chelsea who was stationed here on Nantucket with me was getting rid of some stuff before she got out of the Coast Guard and moved on to start a new life... among those things were two lamps. The lamps had mis-matched lamp shades and were a gold marble color. I bought some matte black spray paint and spray painted them and my friend Sally, who I met while I was working on yachts in Fort Lauderdale, went lampshade shopping for me this summer while she was staying in Falmouth and visiting periodically on Hilarium (the yacht she currently stews on). After sending lots of pictures of lampshades back and forth and shopping around Sal found the perfect lampshades and the completed lamps were the perfect addition to our living room.
This summer, while Kyle had some friends over, he started auctioning off random things around our house. He does this sometimes when he has a few drinks in him, and it's all in good fun - but once he shakes on it, the deal is done. Jeff, one of my newer shipmates, has had his eyes on those lamps since he moved here. He has gone into great length to try to feed Kyle and I just enough cocktails to get us to agree to sell him the lamps. I stood my ground and have never fallen for his trickery because I am proud of all of my DIY projects around our house - especially when I am able to get something for free and then get a ton of compliments on it!
Last night, Jeff had called me and invited me out to one of our other shipmates houses around 9:30. At this point I was already 6 episodes in on a new TV series, still in my pajamas from the night before, and on my second glass of wine. I had become a fixture on the couch and I really wasn't in any particular mood to socialize with anyone, plus the series had just started to get really good. On the other hand I saw this as an opportunity to share some of my gummy bears (since I really don't want to be held accountable for eating the entire 10lbs - and trust me, I'm well on my way), so I took a shower and told Jeff I'd meet him at his house unless he tells me they already left. By the time I got out of the shower, I had pretty much decided I wasn't going anywhere. I watched a few more episodes and moved upstairs around 11:45.
I was having trouble sleeping - even though I was DOG tired and my eye-lids felt like they were made out of sandbags. I turned the TV on, which was still on History channel from the last time Kyle watched it, and set the sleep timer to go off in 90 minutes. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Around 12:20 I heard some scrambling around downstairs, I pressed my ear further into the pillow so I could hear whatever it was more clear. Pippin must have gotten ahold of his catnip cigar and was bouncing around - "what a crazy cat" I thought to myself. Then almost immediately following I had a minor heart attack and countered that thought with, "what if there's someone in my house?!". There's never anyone in the house, I comforted myself, and thought about the shotgun in our closet and how I had taken the safety off of it and made sure it had a couple rounds in it earlier.
At 12:45 I got out of bed finally to go downstairs and take some Benadryl, my eyes were actually swollen and I felt like my sinuses might be bothering me. The second I reached the bottom of the stairs tingles fluttered from my toes to my heart and back again. MY LAMPS WERE GONE. One of the curtains hanging over the couch was pulled out from behind the couch and draped across it like a throw - the entry point (there's a broken latch on that window and it can't be locked). I quickly scrambled around my downstairs checking all the windows and locking them. I took two Benadryl and ran upstairs and texted Jeff, "if you damage my lamps you are a dead man". No response.
I woke up pretty much every hour after that because I kept having dreams about people being in my house. When I finally woke up at 7:30am, I had 4 texts from Jeff, he didn't think I would notice the lamps missing until halfway through the next day (what do you take me for, Jeff?!). I just responded, "you're an asshole", and got ready for my day.
I left my key in my mailbox and made Jeff tend to my animals and return my lamps. When I got home from work at 5 the lamps were back in their spots, plugged in even.
Little does Jeff know, he just opened a WHOLE can of worms on someone who LOVES trickery. This means war, Jeff... consider yourself warned.
(By the way, for all my worried mothers out there - I screwed the window shut with the broken latch - house is sealed).
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